Unicorn Milkshake: Prom Edition

Hey y'all!! First edition of the Unicorn Milkshake series!! And this one is about the less fun experience of my high school career: my second date rejection, just weeks before the biggest day of my very short and uninteresting 18 years of living in this dump we are apparently lucky to call Earth. So yeah, it stings to be rejected by a guy you genuinely want to drag around in a sparkling disco ball of a room and feed posh purée and filet mignon. That is if your school budget can accommodate such fine dining. In any case, I wanted my own piece of meat to pretend-dance with, and pretend-laugh with. Is that so wrong, may I ask? I just went with my friend D in the end, which was actually kind of fun because she was the prettiest of them all at that ball, lace and open-back and everything. But I still wrote an angry letter to this guy who said no. And even though he did really end up in the hospital when he came back form university because his jaw was fucked and he couldn't eat or talk for a while and it was the sensible thing to say no to not let me hang at the last minute, can a girl go on a crazy anger rant once in a while. So here goes.

Hi. Me again. You never answered so i guess this would be a follow-up email. So sorry for boring you or/and putting you on the spot. First off, Happy Birthday! (the first time I said it, it was in parenthesis so maybe you didn't realize it was genuine-maybe it defeats the purpose that this too is in parenthesis?!?). 
Now the elephant in the room apparently: prom. Yes I realize that the message had a nonchalant tone and shitty grammar. Sorry. What possessed me to ask you such a thing, you ask? Well, for starters, I quite like you. As a person. It seemed like the most important requirement. That's kind of it. (please don't read more into this that must be read. This isn't a marriage proposal, it's a prom. calm the fuck down.) It's a yes or no question. Both answers are valid. Any answer at this point would be welcomed. You are not being coerced into anything, for crying out loud you're several inches taller than me! You're also several miles away, with an ocean separating us...and I can't swim. So by all means, I can't force you to do shit. I would however appreciate the decency of an answer or some kind of acknowledgement. Even if it is a no. So I can plan accordingly-please read: so I can find someone else. So yeah, the ball is in your court buddy. (So have some balls).
Feel free to contact me with any questions, comments or concerns you may have.
No I don't harass everyone, just the ones who deserve it.

Sincerely,

Unicorn Milkshake