Oldies?

I'm feeling nostalgic. I miss wanting a platonic love with boys that would have never wanted me (not a self pity party, I was 10 and they were young adults, it's not cute if it involves babysitting).

SO, I decided to bombard you with music that brings me all the way back to tween loving posters and sing-alongs from camp days and all that gooey feel good stuff.

Well, Justin Timberlake was always cute. And the barbies just sweetened the deal for me :)

Is he dead? I haven't hear a (decent) Jesse McCartney song in a while. I mean, I think he's grown but I don't know if that's a good thing. We've gone from Beautiful Soul to...this!!

I was already destined to a teenagehood or (tweenagehood) of turmoil...

This list could never be complete without this song. Just saying :)

Xmas is Overrated

I know, I know. How COULD I?? The happiest period of the year, when you can get away of literally EVERYTHING that annoys you to death -- school, work, friends...you can even let you pet die "by accident (I don't recommend it though).

So why am I having anti Xmas feelings??

Well, for starters, this is my first year as a divorcee's kid. So, you know, while all the families are ice skating and drinking hot chocolate like in the commercials, I was dealing with a very drab atmosphere at the dinner table for Christmas Eve, little brothers complaining about a supper they didn't help prepare and all. Then, my Mom felt sick, and I ended up doing my hair and watching The Nutcracker and Sleeping Beauty (ballet versions, duh) with the poor Mommy.

Then, I drowned my murderous mood from such a sucky time in front of several episodes of Gilmore Girls, before being ousted to my bed around 1:20 AM.
 
The next day, I was to sing in the choir at church (you can guess how I feel about that, right?) and boy did I feel jolly. After my brothers were picked up by my father, my Mom and I waited for friends to bring us to their place for an informal Christmas bash, from where I'm writing to you right night.

By Christmas wasn't excellent in many ways, but at least I was in god company and I felt OK.

At least there was a flicker of some Holiday cheer.

I guess it wasn't all that bad, come to think of it. But still, Christmas is kind of overrated. How many snow-mans can you have? How many blinding lights? Why can't we send that money to people wh can't celebrate this festive time because they're trying to survive?? (JUST SAYING!!!)

Anyhow, Christmas was over 18 minutes ago...

I guess I can be my bitchy self again now!!

Hamlet's Sleep

Mere succession of unfortunate events
Occasionally highlighted
By intermissions of sunshine
Or white lies to stay relevant.

     Why forget the pain
     Clear indication
     That our lungs fill
     With poisoned air

     That our being
     Grows weary of
     Our abuse

     That we approach
     Our inexorable
     end.

          Forget these things
          With the false certainty
          That better things are to come

          Pushing our minds
          To the brink of insanity
          To the edge of an infinity
          Of sadness.

Why do we search
Our own hurting?
Why entertain the ghosts
Crowding our hellish nightmares?
Why leave a legacy of dreams
That amount to nothing
     and will soon the specks
          in History's dust?

I would much rather
be a privileged member
Of Hamlet's macabre sleep

A dissolving essence

                       in eternal

                                        slumber.

thoughts

From black to white, from hot to cold
From tears to laughter and to smiles.
My feelings age, they get too old,
Replaced, by fierce young minds,
Live through depression and elation.
The line between the two is thin.
One silly song, a conversion,
Can throw you, yes, once more again
Into a new whirlpool of thoughts,
Open old files you have closed,
Relive the battles you have fought,
Resume relationships long paused.
And then one day you realize
You have been thinking way too much
For all that time.

Calvin Harris Infatuation

Yes, sometimes I indulge in "garbage" radio music that isn't actually all that bad. I mean, musicians have to make a living too you know! So me tuning into shows with no soul on the lookout for salvageable music is in fact an act of charity and good will. Yes, get me a Nobel Peace Prize right now!

Obvious choice: Feel So Close 

(Sadly, I don't believe the lyrics consist of more than a dozen lines...You know the saying: Less is More! The first time I heard this man, it sounded more like this)

Calvin Harris ft. Kelis

(From The Electro Man himself and the woman who brought you Milkshakes...)

Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

(This Woman is awesome. Listen to this.)

The moral of this story is... music is good, if you decide it's worth listening too. Not of some self-titled music guru (aka ME) decides it for you. Enjoy!

12 Is A Lucky Number

Twelve. A beautiful number. Maybe one day, when I won't have other thing to do, I'll write an ode to this so very very special number. I mean the January 12th was my Mom's Birthday. It was also the day a huge earthquake almost killed most of our family living in Haiti's capital, Port-Au-Prince. Just a little history on the number.

But don't let me be a downer. 

After all, I got a lot of things from my "True Love" during Twelve days, which I'm really thankful about. So I won't take all the fun out of 12.

Because on this day, the 12th of December 2012, at 12:12:12, my life changed forever, while I was in the 12th grade.

Yeah no. I was in gym class and we all cheered like maniacs as if all the festivities were really worth anything. If aliens had landed at that moment, our irrationality would have made them run for dear life. 

Several 12:12:12 pictures, such as these, have surfaced on Facebook

 to which I reply bluntly :

Jokes

Some of the funnier things to come out of my always interesting, never disappointing History classes:

Before History Class...

(Students attempting to sing)

"Na je nun ta sa ro un in gan jo gin yo ja

Ko pi han ja ne yo yu rul a neun pum gyo gi nun yo ja

Ba mi o myon shim ja ngi tu go wo ji nun yo ja

Gu ron ban jon i nun yo ja

Na nun sa na ye

Na je nun no man kum ta sa ro un gu ron sa na ye

Ko pi shik gi do jo ne one shot te ri nun sa na ye

Ba mi o myon shim ja ngi to jyo bo ri nun sa na ye

Gu ron sa na ye

A rum de wo sa rang su ro wo

Gu re no hey gu re ba ro no hey

A reum de wo sa rang su ro wo

Gu re no hey gu re ba ro no hey

Ji gum bu to gal de ka ji ga bol ka

Oppan Gangnam Style

Gangnam Style

Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style

Gangnam Style

Op op op op oppan Gangnam Style!!!!!!"

Teacher: You don't even speak that language!!

Student: I do when I'm drunk!! :)

Life & Stuff: I Hurt

Here's the thing: I've been able to accept the fact that my crazy moods swings are kind of part of my personality. Like, if you took all those intense feelings that explode inside of my chest every two seconds, I would lose a piece of who I am. I would have no inspiration for poetry or composing music or compulsive researching on unimportant subjects. I wouldn't be "me" anymore. 

Now, I know these "intense feelings" (especially with the majority of them being negative, soul-eating and depression inducing) shouldn't affect my relationship with others. But they do. I know that logically I shouldn't misdirect the anger, the bitterness, the fear, the pain, all of it, but I do, and I know it's wrong. So I've been making efforts and most of the time, when I'm having a "grey cloud" moment, I isolate myself or have FUCK OFF tattooed on my face. I just thought that after knowing me for so long, people had just come to the realization that it was a part of me too. 

So it hurts that one of my friends, N., has somewhat distanced himself from me. I mean, it was bound to happen, with are very different styles in managing emotion: I feel too much whereas he seems to disregard feelings altogether. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I miss our friendship.

And I'm not trying to put up a pity party for myself (Ok, maybe just a little :P). I do hurt. Today alone, my back hurt, my vagina hurt (well what, yes I had my period, jeez), my head hurt (my under-sleeping habits are just bad -- I'm sure we can all agree 3 hours a night isn't enough for anyone) and my heart was empty, but that's besides the point. I hurt, just like every other human being most certainly does, and I want to get better. I don't want to be "normal", I want to be "happy" and "at peace with myself". "Normal" would imply that my non-existing eating habits are acceptable, that my "issues" with my non conforming, non European grade of hair are acceptable, that my very deeply felt self-loathing is acceptable. Which is not the case. So I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not feel like sticking knives in my stomach or wish to get hit by a bus. I don't want to do this :

I want to live and feel alive. I want this:

Musical Inspiration

I've just gotten back into the whole "Music is the only objective of my boring as a donkey's ass teenage life" phase again. I've been kind of composing, picked up a guitar for the first time in over a year and singing a lot (no, Christmas carols, I'll have time for that later!!).

It's only fair that you get a taste of good music too, once in a while. Yes, I'm going to spoil you would my crazy good taste in music :)

Givers: Ceiling of Plankton

Young the Giant : Cough Syrup

Marina and the Diamonds : How To Be A HeartBreaker 

(Yes to over-sexualization of men!! -- it's about time too... :P)