Things I Wish I Could Say

Why Rest In Peace? It's not like he's/she's gonna Rest In Despair or anything... -G

Quotes

Welcome to the human race. Every day, somebody breaks somebody else's heart. - The Sessions

Life: The World Needs Light

When I say this, I'm not going on a full on religious rant, as you may be inclined to think. Nor am I in the middle of a philosophical musing. Rather, I'm tired of the newspaper feeding my "bad news basket" and leaving my "good news basket" empty and sad. And so, in celebration of all this happy, here are some pictures of sunny destinations I can't afford. On the bright side, I think it was like 6 degrees Celsius today so YAY!

Bora Bora anyone? Just run and hide if the Kardashians come around.

Hawaii for when you need to find yourself a new Ohana (family).

Fidji Islands for your wildest eloping dreams...

B-b-b-Benny and the Jets! in the Bahamas...

Ok I'm done.

Things I Wish I Could Say

Yes, I love you. Yes, you're acting like a douche. Could we move on now please, this is turning into an icky moment where the protagonist realizes she made a royal loser ass of herself. 

Life: Going To Good Saturday Mass

Ahh yes... the joyful sounds of a congregation in unity with its God... quite a joyous event indeed, unless you are in what I would call a irritable disposition. Or as others would say, in a "bitch mood". And so at 7:30PM, I dolled myself all up to go join other unfortunate souls that would have to endure 3 hours worth of this. Anyhow, I'm not a total Catholic-hater, even though I've been an official member of the Roman Catholic Church for 17 years now. I was a bad mood, and it just happens that tonight's mass is getting all the shit for it. First and foremost, I would like to say that it wasn't that bad. Actually, the whole celebration was all in all uneventful. Except:

1. The woman behind me shamelessly engaging in social farting, burping and noise disturbance. Kind of reminds me of this. Like, we're in a church, lady.

2. The Little Gremlin shouting "I WANT MY CANDLE BACK" out of his wits during what is supposed to be a special endearing moment with like a thousand lights shinning bright at the same time. If I'm not mistaken, the Papa Gremlin also proceeded in taking pictures of said Little Gremlin (a few times) during mass. Once more, has it not occurred to people that they are celebrating the Death and Resurrection of a guy who'd like a little respect? No? You rather Instagram that shit? Ok then...

3. The choir members who, during their solos, thought it best to abandon all notion of musicality and breath mid-sentence, or not hold a note properly, or just say "SCREW PITCH" altogether. Ok, I'm being picky but come one. If I can't enjoy my Gregorian chants the way they should be, maybe Jesus won't come the way he should either. Like, with a missing leg or eye. Or maybe he'll be so thrown off balance thinking, "Haven't I given them enough time to prepare for all this?!!?!?" that he'll just walk by the door. So yeah.

4. The standing and sitting and standing and sitting. I know I can't make up my mind sometimes, but you're a priest for God's sake! Isn't your job in life to meditate on such important matter,s capable of keeping the last remaining sheep on board with all this shit? Also, I don't want to turn this into a political debate but... when the priest starts mentioning compassion and love, my skin cringes, my hairline recedes a few meters, my teeth and nails fall out and I literally turn to dust. It's kinda like, "Yo Bro, don't rap 'bout som'thin you kno nothin' 'bout, you kno what I'm sayin'?" with the bad grammar and all.

5. The smell of incense. Which hihi sounds a lot like incest. But please, let's us not make references to inappropriate behavior while talking about such serious matters. God, the smell. I had debate all the while walking to church whether or not to grill a cig before the mass murder of my numerous neurons. Upon entering the house of God, I realized that there would have been no issues, since the place stank of smoke. At which point I cursed for all my careful planning had been in vain. I guess the priests we're going all out: drunk and high, all in one night. What would Papa God/Jesus/Holy Spirit say? But the greater question is, how could these people, having vowed a life of chastity and poverty and stuff, be living it up way better than me? One of the great mysteries of life I guess.

HIGHTLIGHT OF MY NIGHT: What could beat the Vietnamese priest's accent. Nothing. Exactly. Also, why couldn't the Pope be Vietnamese. That would of been totally badass.

All in all, not a bad mass. I was able to regroup at home, watching re-runs of Criminal Minds while eating Candbery eggs. So, all this to say

HAPPY EASTER/PASSOVER/LONG WEEKEND

(For those still interested in the good stuff aka Gregorian chants)

Things I Wish I Could Say

You are as disgusting as what I imagine would be an unbelievable amount of vagina crust on a cave woman.

Photography: The Battle We Didn't Choose

Beautiful and inspiring, this blog is about a photographer's take on his wife's battle with breast cancer. The black and white images are striking and telling of the loneliness, the pain, but also the love Jennifer Merendino was surrounded with. Enjoy this wonderful collection of photographs.

http://mywifesfightwithbreastcancer.com/

Music: Chill Beenz

Well, because any publicity is good publicity, here's the Chill Beenz a band coming to you from Reims, in France. All university students, their sound is pretty chill in a bluesy, soulful kind of way. Here's there most recent performance at the Musée des Beaux-Arts de Reims. Enjoy :)

Couldn't upload the vid so you're going to have to do this old school:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrGl6xp2UiY

Things I Wish I could Say

When I feel like being a sensual and provocative loner...I crank the music up and dance for my mirror. 

Motivation

as the vacuum sucks up

specks of unwanted dust

and my last aspirations 

i think to myself

"how will you save the world

when you are so lazy and tired?"

i tried coffee, which i drank at three

but it was quite late and i couldn't 

escape the pull of the pillow

i tried yoga for enhanced flexibility

both in mind and in spirit

but got bruises and sore muscles instead

i went to great lengths to find

motivation to work and slave 

and sweat and get to it

but i found no motivation at all

just an ice cream bucket

and a good romantic comedy

so that i could feel sorry 

for myself

Life: Gilmore Girls Metaphor

         I am currently watching the 15th episode of the last season of Gilmore Girls. This show has been my best girlfriend in my recent fall in the pit hole of lazy loafing and procrastination to avoid responsibility and the mountain of emotional distress and homework I have to face. It is with great regret that I will attempt to finish the entire show before the end of March Break, simultaneously doing my homework and extra work. It will be like the end of a life chapter, the lost of a friend, the end of an era of "Ha! I know what she's talking about !" and "OMG, what is she thinking doing that!". The show may be boring and slow and uneventful and without interest for others, but to me the jokes and metaphors are like a breath of fresh air in my daily routine of coffee and cigarettes. One of the metaphors comes from Luke's sister Liz : "They're meant for each other, but it's like they're in different time continuums. All they have to do is find the right wormhole."
        That's how I feel about my current relationship. I know that I feel powerful things for him and when we make eye contact and he smiles and I smile (yes normally a human reaction in the face of familiarity and whatnot, but please don't belittle my teenage love feelings) and I feel warm in the inside, I truly believe he feels it too. Yes it may be wishful thinking but for the sake of this story keep the doubts to yourself, will you? My point is, I've known him (of his existence anyhow) for 6 years, and I know he's liked me before (got me a red rose for Valentine's once) and we've been on-and-off friends and I refuse to believe there isn't something there. It just feels right. And added bonus, our kids would have the best afro ever. But seriously, I really want it to work out and I really hope that we end up finding a wormhole because this being in two different time continuums is really fucking up my sleep patterns. Better this metaphor than the over-used "star crossed lovers" shit.

And may I add that if anything is to be said about Romeo and Juliet's trials and tribulations, it's that they handle the situation pretty badly.

Things I Wish I Could Say

"Life is like mushrooms... I don't know how, but as soon as I figured this one out, you'll be the first to know."

Things I Wish I Could Say

"God made Coke. God made Pepsi. God made me this damnnnnnnn sexy. Now, go make me a sandwich."

Things I Wish I Could Say

"I've made a startling discovery today. My doctor and I have two things in common: smoking and farting. So much for being healthy and civilized."

Story: The Old Woman's Fire

Cloudy skies make for blurry windows

and opportunity for nostalgic music

accompanied by warm cacao.

While the drops pound on the glass

I raise my mug filled with the heart-warming

elixir and bring it to my parched lips.

I am now too old, my bones too frail

to run in the fields near the lake

as my clothes, permeated with the heavenly rain

slow down my progress. The cabin would

be waiting, rustic and proud, near the lake,

where I learned to swim during the hunting 

season. The chimney would see a fire flare up

and quickly smoke deer meat or a fishy catch.

As I watched the chocolate drain from the mug,

I remembered the stories, the legends of wicked

evil doers, satanists who only deserved the

greedy flames of a witch hunt fire. How funny,

I thought, that such fires were destined 

to be feed with people like me.

French: Because I Can

il dit bonjour sans lever les yeux
et disparait rapidement dans une foule
de passants impatients qui ne remarquent pas
les lascérations de ma poitrine
ou les larmes qui se mêlent à l'eau de pluie

je rentre, meurtrie et anéantie 
par la seule personne qui ait jamais su 
me faire sourire comme une idiote qu'avec sa présence
qu'à présent je maudis prodigieusement

il n'a que connu la victime dévastée,
la pessimiste enrobée dans un cynisme obscur et fou
qui passait son temps à compter les gens
qui la laissaient pourrir dans son océan de larmes

s'il n'était pas parti si tôt
si je l'avais retenu en abandonnant 
mon masque de martyr incomprise
peut-être qu'il aurait trouvé autre chose enfoui 
danas les détritus nauséabonds de mon âme

peut-être que mon désespoir écrasant
aurait pu être alléger par une qualité qui m'est 
encore inconnue. mais les hypothèses 
d'un présent autre que celui qui est 
ne sont que des paroles vides de sens.

Alors qu'il s'échappe de mon monde empoisonner
je cherche refuge dans un lieu plus spatieux
où toute ma haine pourra brûler sans interruptions.

Life: Seduction 101

I seem to attract all the wrong people: either they're too young (and part of my family -- awkward) or too old (as in my same street neighbor (also very awkward). And I truly want the best for these people, and it's not even that my standards are high: I'm just not interested. My wish list isn't very long, and I've come to realize I am a sapiosexual : only attracted to peoples brains (I was going to be a Neurologist after all...). Anyhow, in the pursuit of a lovely boy Who-Does-Not-Know-My-Name (he does. he just never says it in a sexy way like in the movies) in France living his life and doing his thing, I'm here, poor little me, agonizing over his beautiful soul and blindness in regards to my awesomeness. And so, my friend L., wonderful teenage boy that he is, decided to give me a crash course in the art of getting a guy (any guy), to like me. Or marry me. If I ever choose to go down that road. And so...

*DRUM ROLL*

Seduction 101 was born.

Rule #1

Don't say "I love you"

I know you do. Good for you. Don't say it. Not before your 5th or 6th meeting/nightly encounter/date at the very least. Or he will run like a cheetah. Straight out of your arms. Imagine this: you are walking and a guy walks up to you and says, out of the blue "I love you". How do you feel? It doesn't matter. Your first reaction is to punch him in the face and run. See how this works? Exactly. (You should also be warned: saying "I truly and deeply appreciate your presence. Now, take your pants off and shut up" will have the same effect except coupled with a restraining order)

Rule #2

Distance is key. Not too close, not too far, like an egg toss. This is all about instincts baby. All about perception and your ability to adapt. Too close and he loses interest. He knows he has you in his pocket and his off to the next. Don't have that surprised look. It's simple human psychology. You'd probably do the same. Too far and he thinks you don't care aka he loses interest. You've moved on to better, greener places, and so will he. This is the hardest step, and yes, there will be failures. That's life. My advice? Sleeping is your best bet because (1) you get your beauty sleep, (2) you're not love-dead but (3) you're not awake to know of your misery. That makes for a perfect win-win-win.

Rule #3

Love is a game. All of this seduction stuff: it's all a game. The earlier you know this, the better. The right combination of buttons on your game controller makes for an instant bull's eye head shot and easy win. If you get killed on this battlefield, you lose. Easy as that. You should probably go practice with some Sonic, Mario or Zelda (COD for the true warriors, which I must admit I'm not).

Secret #1

This really surprised me. 

Looks don't count.

As in, as cheesy as this sounds, there is hope for all of us. Looks don't count when slaying vampires or zombies and don't inhibit your ability to have proper structure sentence instead of the infamous and always deadly "Hummmmmmmm". They don't count for your intelligence, your niceness, your ability to please. 

They can't stop you from player the game.

~o0o~***Challenge Accepted???***~o0o~

YES?                NO?

Life: Babysitting And Such...

By the time you've read the title, you are quite aware of what job position I've held for the past 4 days: that's right, I was a lovely, determined and caring member of the Babysitting Society. I had to wake up at 8:00AM every morning (7:45, if I wanted a little 15 minute personal yoga session with my Ipod), try not to miss the 9:00AM bus Est, and arrive at 10:00AM sharp, even after a quick Tim Hortons coffee and chocolate chip muffin. What did I do most of the time, you ask? What did I actually do these past 4 days, for a total of 24 hours (yes, a day!) of my life? Well, I played played hide and seek and manhunt, made (bland) ravioli, watched every imaginable Harry Potter movie (except the first because just no, and the seventh part 2 becasue they didn't have it -- terrible mistake: they weren't aware Harry Potter won at the end, surrounded by his friends (the ones that survive --DOBBBYYY :'( )  in a crumbling Hogwarts) went to Subway, played piano and played this game:

Which I lost. EVERY. TIME.

But the time was also educational. I exposed the young 8 and 11-year-olds too Macklemore...

"I touched the net. MAMMA I TOUCHED THE NET!!" is now a secret code too us, which I cannot share with you all for obvious reasons.

and One Direction.

This song has been playing non stop in my head for about 28 hours now. MAKE IT STOP!!!

Needless to say, I had so much fun the 288$ I made in the process were just an added bonus.

Sunrise Is Near

sunrise is near

and yet my eyes not once have shut

for my mind to empty

for my heart to take pause

in its cruel aching

we never reached the zenith

never once held each other

as lovers do 

never brushed away 

tears and nightmares 

small instants of glee

glimpses of magic 

are mine to dwell upon

as the moon withdraws

hands held in a crowd

heat rising, bubbling when 

face to face and stares 

ripping through my soul

moments of intense passion

which the cold wind of denial

or negligence smothered thoroughly

my heart a pound of flesh

now a ton of eroded stone

will beat no more
will beat no more