Life: Seduction 101

I seem to attract all the wrong people: either they're too young (and part of my family -- awkward) or too old (as in my same street neighbor (also very awkward). And I truly want the best for these people, and it's not even that my standards are high: I'm just not interested. My wish list isn't very long, and I've come to realize I am a sapiosexual : only attracted to peoples brains (I was going to be a Neurologist after all...). Anyhow, in the pursuit of a lovely boy Who-Does-Not-Know-My-Name (he does. he just never says it in a sexy way like in the movies) in France living his life and doing his thing, I'm here, poor little me, agonizing over his beautiful soul and blindness in regards to my awesomeness. And so, my friend L., wonderful teenage boy that he is, decided to give me a crash course in the art of getting a guy (any guy), to like me. Or marry me. If I ever choose to go down that road. And so...

*DRUM ROLL*

Seduction 101 was born.

Rule #1

Don't say "I love you"

I know you do. Good for you. Don't say it. Not before your 5th or 6th meeting/nightly encounter/date at the very least. Or he will run like a cheetah. Straight out of your arms. Imagine this: you are walking and a guy walks up to you and says, out of the blue "I love you". How do you feel? It doesn't matter. Your first reaction is to punch him in the face and run. See how this works? Exactly. (You should also be warned: saying "I truly and deeply appreciate your presence. Now, take your pants off and shut up" will have the same effect except coupled with a restraining order)

Rule #2

Distance is key. Not too close, not too far, like an egg toss. This is all about instincts baby. All about perception and your ability to adapt. Too close and he loses interest. He knows he has you in his pocket and his off to the next. Don't have that surprised look. It's simple human psychology. You'd probably do the same. Too far and he thinks you don't care aka he loses interest. You've moved on to better, greener places, and so will he. This is the hardest step, and yes, there will be failures. That's life. My advice? Sleeping is your best bet because (1) you get your beauty sleep, (2) you're not love-dead but (3) you're not awake to know of your misery. That makes for a perfect win-win-win.

Rule #3

Love is a game. All of this seduction stuff: it's all a game. The earlier you know this, the better. The right combination of buttons on your game controller makes for an instant bull's eye head shot and easy win. If you get killed on this battlefield, you lose. Easy as that. You should probably go practice with some Sonic, Mario or Zelda (COD for the true warriors, which I must admit I'm not).

Secret #1

This really surprised me. 

Looks don't count.

As in, as cheesy as this sounds, there is hope for all of us. Looks don't count when slaying vampires or zombies and don't inhibit your ability to have proper structure sentence instead of the infamous and always deadly "Hummmmmmmm". They don't count for your intelligence, your niceness, your ability to please. 

They can't stop you from player the game.

~o0o~***Challenge Accepted???***~o0o~

YES?                NO?